Five Festive Lessons Learnt

To celebrate the end of the last working week before the Christmas break officially starts, we’ve put a festive twist on our weekly series Five Lessons Learnt This Week. Read on for Five Festive Lessons Learnt: the five most important lessons we’ve learnt in the build-up to Christmas…

1. Christmas is a time for sharing

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 17.52.45As demonstrated to us all by an anonymous pensioner who is shelling out over £1,000 to hold a Christmas lunch for lonely strangers. The mystery benefactor has hired the Lamb and Flag pub in Ottery St Mary, Devon on the 23rd December and extended an open invitation to people who would otherwise be alone over the festive period.

The 86-year-old widow lost her husband 12 years ago and this, compounded by a lack of close family and an ability to travel, means she has finds Christmas a lonely time of year. So, determined not to spend Christmas alone this year, she decided to lay on the meal.

As well as the turkey dinners, the generous woman has ordered 2 bottles of wine for each of the 12 tables – and if 50 people turn up, the dinner will cost her a total of £1,097.50. If that gesture of goodwill doesn’t fill you with festive cheer, nothing will.

If you can’t afford to shell out for a free lunch, you can still make sure your present choices this year are spot on with our LFX Christmas Gift Guide.

2. You can’t catch Santa

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 17.53.40…even if you happen to have access to a US military plane. The North American Aerospace Defence Control (Norad) who track Santa’s sleigh every year were less-than-impressed with Barack Obama’s suggestion that US military C-130 jets are “a little more efficient” than the big man’s present-delivering vehicle – and hit back with a fact sheet proving that the famous sleigh outclasses the C-130 in every way.

They claim that Santa’s sleigh travels at a speed of 186,000 miles per second (that’s faster than starlight) compared to the jet’s less impressive 417 mph. Norad also confirmed that the sleigh is powered by nine reindeer power engine carrying 60,000 tonnes of presents plus the main man himself, who weighs 260 pounds at take off but gains 1,000 pounds throughout the night after indulging in milk, cookies, mince pies, brandy and whatever else his hosts leave out for him to enjoy.

So, who’s going to break the news to Norad?!

Pick out the tech you want Santa to bring with our Trader Tech Christmas Wishlist.

3. Cracker jokes can be funny

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 17.49.21But not, obviously, the ones you find in actual crackers (we suffered some particularly dreadful ones at the LFX Christmas party last week). TV channel Gold took matters into their own hands and drafted in amateur comedians to come up with a list of Christmas cracker jokes that are actually funny (a novel idea, that).

The top 5 were voted from a shortlist by 2,000 viewers, and here they are:

  • What will be missing from Take That’s Christmas stocking this year? An Orange.
  • How does Luis Suarez like his Christmas dinner? Bite-sized.
  • What do the Royal Family play at Christmas instead of Musical Chairs? Game of Thrones.
  • What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot? Get out of my face.
  • Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron? He’s got two parties to organise. 

You can find the full list here – and if you reckon you can do better, tweet us @LittlefishFX – we’d love to hear it.

4. Polar bears can get ASBOs

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 17.51.30A six foot mechanical polar bear named Bernard found himself in a spot of bother this week after council workers turned up to tell his owners that his Christmas inspired signing and dancing was causing a “racket” and that there had been complaints of a noise nuisance.

Bernard’s owners, who run The Loft Cafe in Shefford, were stunned to find out their beloved polar bear mascot was in danger of receiving an Anti Social Behaviour Order, and argued that the bear sang and danced his way through last December without a single complaint. But Central Bedfordshire Council weren’t amused and have confirmed that Bernard is subject to an ongoing investigation.

Maybe the real lesson here is that you should be careful where you engage in festive singing and dancing, or you might find yourself joining Bernard in the ASBO club…

Make sure you get through the Christmas season ASBO-free with our Traders’ Guide to Surviving the Festive Season.

5. We’re too busy

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 18.07.28A study has shown that our busy lives are putting a downer on the festive season as traditions such as midnight mass, carol singing, greetings cards and even watching Lizzie’s Christmas day speech are dying out, because we just don’t have time.

Seventy four percent of adults surveyed said they won’t even think about singing a Christmas carol this year, while a fifth admitted that they won’t be taking the time to wish their neighbours a Merry Christmas. Only six percent will have time to go ice skating or visit Santa’s grotto, while sixteen percent will forgo the traditional roast turkey in favour of a less time-consuming takeaway.

So on that (rather depressing note) – drag yourself away from your desk, eat a mince pie, sing a Christmas carol, even hit the ice rink if you’re feeling brave. Christmas will be over before you know it and the charts (and your paperwork mountain) will still be there in January. Have a good one!

Get in this Christmas spirit with our Traders’ Christmas Bingo – how many can you tick off?