This week in Five Lessons Learnt we discover how you can get away with swearing at your boss, witness the world’s worst breakfast, and find out how the Simpsons predicted the Eurozone crisis…
1. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day
We’ve all heard the cliché about just how key breakfast is compared to your other meals. The problem for many of us who value ten extra minutes in bed over a sizzling sausage sandwich before dashing off to work, is that we simply don’t have time to rustle up anything decent.
So thank god for food joints like Eat right? Those guys will kindly knock up a load of hearty English breakfast rolls so that we can quickly grab one, in exchange for a few golden nuggets, and continue on our journey to the office delighted that our commute will be all the more enjoyable with a vital morning boost of energy.
At least that is unless you happen to be travelling via Edinburgh Airport’s Eat diner, in which case you might as well save your £3, safe in the knowledge that the nearby plane engine fumes are likely to give you more nutritional value than this ‘sandwich’. For shame Eat, for shame…
2. How to abuse your boss and get away with it
In a story that LFX management can be relieved was published after the work trip to Newmarket races last week, it emerges that it may now be possible to verbally abuse your boss at a work party, and get away with it. It comes after a team leader at a road firm in Australia downed ten pints, abused staff and told his boss to “Eff Off”, before being (one would think) suitably sacked.
Except, according to an Aussie employment tribunal, this was not suitable at all. They ruled that office conduct cannot be maintained where alcohol is available, meaning the un-named drunken worker has won a case for unfair dismissal.
So is this the good news that workers of the world have been waiting for to start scripting their profanity-laden Christmas rant? Probably not. The Australian Chamber of Commerce have suggested that, if anything, this ruling might now simply mean a future ban on all office boozing. Which is bad times for everyone involved, except perhaps the office photocopier….
3. You really can buy anything on Gumtree
Given the amount of crazy stuff being sold on eBay and Gumtree on a daily basis, it takes something genuinely jaw dropping for a listing to make the news. And here it is; a Tornado GR1 jet, available to you for a mere £20,000. The jet was part of the 1991 Gulf War, and was bought as a shell six years ago by a couple of ex-RAF engineers.
And after spending all this time re-building the jet to its former glories, Dave and Leslie Blisset have now put it on Gumtree, likely to attract museums, collectors and, of course, workers sick of taking the tube. But, if you’re thinking of taking it to the office Christmas party to threaten your boss (see above), you should probably know that the Blissets have not re-installed its guns…
4. Be careful what you leave on a train
…because it may end up in the news. Following the annual audit of rail company First TransPennine Express, it has emerged that more than 2,000 mobile phones, 1,300 wallets and purses, 600 umbrellas, 120 bags of shopping, 70 pairs of glasses and 30 laptops have been left on trains over the past year.
Somewhat more intriguingly, however, the list also includes six guitars (we imagine that being a tough gig in the evening), a 6ft inflatable dinosaur, a framed picture of Mary Berry and…wait for it… a hamster. The question here is not how you lose a hamster on a train, but why you go travelling with it in the first place?
We also spotted that a Barry Manilow CD features on the list. So naturally we’ve called FTP to claim that back…
5. The Simpsons predicted the Greek financial crisis
Instead of focusing on contemporary new jokes, writer Matt Groening and co. may have been focusing on placing hidden economic forecasts within the show.
As discovered by a Reddit user this week, an episode from January 2013 – aptly named, ‘Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson’ – featured a news ticker headline that is now, three years later, probably an actual scenario for Greece and the Eurozone.
Which means our shopping basket today looks something like this:
- 1 x Eat Breakfast roll: £3.20
- 1 x Crate of Fosters: £12.00
- 1 x RAF Tornado: £20,000
- 1 x Hamster: £6.00
- 1 x Greece: €323bn
- 1 x Mary Berry framed picture: £Priceless
We can’t wait to see how this all gets delivered…