Five Lessons Learnt This Week

We’ve had a shorter week than usual following the bank holiday weekend, but it hasn’t been short on lessons. This week’s pearls of wisdom include what to do if you get abducted by aliens, why ducks need walking just like dogs and a great excuse to cancel your gym membership…

1. What to do if you’ve been abducted by aliens

Screen Shot 2014-04-24 at 14.45.53If you’ve had a run in with ET recently, maybe you’ll be interested in going to a support group where you can share your experiences with other abductees? At the end of May, the Anomalous Mind Management, Abductee, Contactee Helpline (helpfully abbreviated to Ammach) is holding a conference for just that.

It will feature an array of speakers who claim to have been in contact with extra-terrestrials, and aims to provide a safe platform for victims to tell their stories without ridicule and fear, as the owner of the helpline believes it is important for people with these experiences to be able to talk about them without being mocked. She does admit to not believing everything she hears, though…

2. Ducks need walking too

Pictures of a man walking two ducks on a lead have hit the headlines this week. The duck-walker was holding an animal cage in one hand and the ducks’ leads in the other while walking down Rye Lane in Peckham.

Sam Jacob was running past when he spotted the spectacle and took a sneaky photo of the man and his ducks, but he was bemused that no-one else seemed to take much notice. He commented, “This man was walking these ducks on a lead outside KFC as if it was a normal thing to do. The strange thing was nobody seemed to take much notice”. Maybe it’s a normal occurrence on an Easter Monday in Peckham…

3. There’s a 23ft dinosaur on the loose

Screen Shot 2014-04-24 at 14.45.23Last week it was 6ft birds, this week, a cafe in Essex has gone one better by claiming to have lost its 23ft orange dinosaur mascot. An advert was posted in the Metro this week by the cafe owner, begging the thief to put the dinosaur back in exchange for a free full English breakfast as “my cafe is suffering and my dog’s depressed”.

Interestingly, the diner does not seem to exist. It should be found on the B1393 on the way out of Epping, but there is no record of the business online and calling the phone number featured on the advert leads to an answer machine message in a Geordie accent asking anyone with information on the dino to leave their details. I think we’re on a wild dinosaur chase here…

4. Why you should cancel your gym membership

New rules introduced this weekend will see the intrusiveness of checks on mortgage applicants increase. Everything from gym memberships, phone contracts and pension plans may be considered an ongoing expense by a mortgage lender, and could affect the decision on how much they are eligible to borrow.

The new rules are designed to stop lenders handing out loans to people who can’t afford to repay them, and insist on banks and building societies inspecting their customers’ spending commitments to see whether they can keep up their payments. If you need an excuse to cancel that gym membership you never use, look no further…

5. How to change a tyre

A group of Saudi Arabian daredevils managed to change two of their tyres on their four-wheel drive while the vehicle was still moving through the desert.

It takes five people to change the tyres (and hopefully one to stay at the wheel as the vehicle continues to drive on two wheels). Probably not one to try next time you get a flat tyre, but you can watch how it’s done below…