This week in Five Lessons Learnt, our funny news round-up, we’ve got the reason why you should buy more Lego, the ultimate portable micro-brewery, an attack owl targeting politicians and epic fish pun rap battle…
1. It’s time to dig out those old Lego sets
Okay, so you’ve probably never though about the Lego bricks that occupied many happy hours of your childhood as a viable investment. But that’s where you’re wrong – since 2000, Lego has actually been a better investment than gold, with “pristine condition” sets appreciating by 12% and discontinued sets from last year jumping up 36% in value.
In that same time period, gold has returned about 9.2% annually and the S&P 500 4.2%, making Lego the best investment of the lot. The most expensive Lego set currently is the Ultimate Collector’s Millennium Falcon, which originally sold for $510 in 2007 and is now worth $4,041.
So if you needed an excuse to buy more Lego, there you go…
2. US government ruffles some feather
An owl that made a name for itself after attacking joggers in an Oregon park last winter has come back with a new target – government workers. State officials revealed on Wednesday that the angry bird has clawed three members of staff since late November.
In an early contender for best quote of 2016, department spokeswoman Tibby Larson brilliantly described the attacks: “You’re just walking along, minding your own business, and an owl comes silently at you from behind”.
State officials have advised locals to carry umbrellas to fend off attacks – and pointed out that the attacks are actually due to the mating season, rather than any grand political statement. We’re less convinced…
3. A micro-brewery you can carry around
In what sounds like a fabricated excuse for drink-driving of the same ilk as “the dog ate my homework”, a woman was cleared of drink driving charges because “her body is a brewery”.
The unnamed driver was pulled over last year in New York state and appeared clearly under the influence – police said she smelled like alcohol, was slurring her words and had glassy, bloodshot eyes. When tested, she was found to be four times over the legal limit, despite claiming she’d only had three drinks – several hours earlier.
And it turns out she was telling the truth. The motorist has since been diagnosed with a rare medical condition that causes her body to turn food into alcohol, known as “auto-brewery syndrome”. She’s since been cleared of her charges, although maybe there are now grounds to charge her with bootlegging…
4. Fish puns make everything better
This lesson is especially for our editor-in-chief who is partial to a Littlefish-inspired fish pun. Sandwich chain Pret a Manger had the best response we’ve ever seen to a social media complaint by engaging in a longstanding fish pun rap battle with an unimpressed customer.
City worker Tom Dodds tweeted Pret to complain about his crayfish wrap – and this epic fish pun battle ensued…
And that’s just our favourites – read the full exchange here.
Pret have kept the identity of their humorous employee a secret, as he’s “feeling a little coy to be named on this occasion, he’s not really one to fish for compliments”. And that, ladies, gents and goldfish, is how you do customer service…
5. It could be worse
If you’re suffering from the post-Christmas January blues, spare a thought for the Mini driver who was issued with a parking ticket after the car handbrake failed and it rolled into a nearby Jaguar. Now the driver is not only facing expensive repairs to his own car as well as the Jag, he also has a £70 parking ticket to boot.
Social media users stormed Facebook in defence of the driver, slamming the ticket warden who had “obviously just gone out of his way to turn a bad day into an even worse one” and asking whether wardens would give a ticket to a car that had crashed at the side of the road (which they probably would, if we’re being honest).
And this all happened on Monday – so it’s safe to say someone didn’t have a good first day back. Here’s hoping the rest of 2016 is kinder to them – and as for the traffic warden, what goes around comes around…
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